MASK - In search of our True Identity

Last night a good friend and young lady that Laura and I get to mentor had her story videotaped at our Living Hope creative arts studio. Seeing her courage, her vulnerable, authentic surrender to what GOD SAYS about her was so inspiring. If you are at Living Hope this Saturday night or Portland on Sunday you will see her story. It so illustrates the mask of APPEARANCE. Beneath these cover-ups the deeper issue remains -it's our identity and who we believe we are that really determines our honesty and authenticity. Brittany's story is like so many others, she just wanted to be loved and accepted. It was so easy to tie on the mask of attractiveness.

Masks don't just cover up our realness, they set us up for temptations that lock us in addictive prisons and keep us from meaningful relationships. All medicating activities, things, and thoughts are nothing more than masks. They do work! But only for awhile, and then the hunger returns with great ferocity. It's now turned into a twisted hunger that can't be satisfied. Drinking, parties, or vegging out in front of the TV; it's all the same, a mask to hide from the lies we believe about ourselves. Drugs work or else they wouldn't attract us. But to medicate to avoid fears or difficulties is only to make the situation worse. The drug could be disguised through obsessions with our talents or work, but it's still there! Today I want to share a few minutes about the third mask so many of us use to falsely measure our value; it's the word, SKILL.

First a quick review of our value cover-up MASK:
Money I've been tempted to use the $1,200 Uncle or Aunt Sam sent me towards a BIG flat screen TV . . . what about you? How does money nibble away at you?
Appearance Diets, $30 a month on nails, clothing, jewelry, surgery . . . trying to attract others? What's your temptation? Does trying to "look good" become your value gauge?
Skill
To illustrate an extreme example of how tight this particular mask fits, I've chosen Michael Jackson. His contribution to music, entertainment, and music video art can be disputed or disagreed with, but he did have an influence on society (millions of dollars worth). Be it Michael Jordon, Jackson, or Fox - their talents illustrate the masks by which society often tells us we're valuable. Our accomplishments, what we do, now becomes the way we feel OK about ourselves. Muhammad Ali, our craze over American Idol, all of it is part of that mask that focuses on what we DO! We are enticed to become "human doings." Athletes use drugs, take money under the table, and often fall into addictive prisons because our society is so in love with this mask. It's an easy way to try and believe we're OK.

For males, this mask has been the primary way we find value. When our first parent, Adam, decided that God didn't know best, the natural consequence, a self-fulfilling curse was born. It focused on accomplishments and work, but it wouldn't allow for satisfaction. Sweat, that effort of trying to make something turn out ok, this curse still drives us to fill our days with more and more activities. Being in those moments with that amazing awareness of who we really are, God's kids, gets lost in our constant measurement of how much we've got done (even those numerous not-yet-done home projects can steal our peace).

I so struggle in this area. I compare myself with other's productivity, their contributions to society, their usefulness, and then I beat up on myself for not doing enough. My first memory of gaining my father's approval, and disapproval came in the area of work and how skilled I was. A great deal of our TV shows are gladiator types of competition that reward the most gifted, skilled, best performer types. Satan confuses our sense of what makes us valuable. When I don't hear or see any affirmation for "what I do" I began to doubt everything God says about me. This is my favorite mask. I love it and I hate it at the same time. This is a "regular" temptation of mine.

The very first murder in history bought into this mask. This older brother, measured what he did best against what his brother brought as a gift to God. Cain wanted desperately to have what HE did count! His struggle with trusting God's way brought intense anger. Seeing his brother's sacrifice accepted made him hate his brother. (Why didn't he try boxing with God? That's who really ticked him off.) In his rage he took the first human life on planet earth. His production, his work, his accomplishments were rejected as what counts most before God so he began to take life away from others. Do you think this is a dangerous mask?

How much of "who you are" is hidden behind "what you do?" Being honest with where I was, and running back to God, saved me from the loss of my wife in 1983. Instead of her divorcing me, I began to see that my "workaholic" obsession was just as dangerous as that person who used alcohol or other drugs to hide. Do I still struggle with this mask? Only about 16 hours a day (I'm doing so good at keeping track of my record that I think I'll make an Excel sheet to track my progress. . . help!).

"Be still and KNOW that I am God!"

"I've been in love with you and have accepted you even before I made you or this world!"

"All your accomplishments are lined up to do battle, but I'm the one who really brings victory."

Will you believe yourself more than God? Who knows best? Who can best define your value?

MASKS - How my obsession with "Appearance" hurts me

Money is a huge mask and looking at yesterday's response from a young lady who shared the decision she made re: the government stimulus check touched me. Laura and I have invested more than $150,000 into God's work in the last 33 years and many more $$$ into Christian education. We've given a lot of time. We've given up much of our retirement. Yes, for us it has been so worth it! Giving is a joy! Giving for the right reasons - because we're been given life, love, eternal friendship, is what it's all about. If you struggle with the Mask of Money, don't try to tear this mask off by yourself. Reach out to someone further along the adventure and ask for prayer, wisdom, encouragement. Let the money mask go. My father gave a very vast amount of money throughout his life to God's work. He never did it to get anything back. But he is the most blessed man ever to have lived in the 20th century. (He wouldn't want me to brag about him like this, but he'll have to wait for the resurrection to argue with me.)

Today's mAsks are all about Appearance! What we wear, how we fix our hair, hide our fat . . . our outward appearance can easily become a Mask, a cover-up, for fears and lies about our value.

Money
Appearance:
Marilyn Monroe was a very interesting and unique person. I've read a few books and interviewed people who have talked to people who worked with her. (Wow, how trustworthy is that?)

Not at all unlike the story of Howard Hughes, Marilyn had talent and power. She hung out, slept with, and married some of the most powerful people in her world. She was admired, worshiped, and lusted after by thousands. Still, that empty, gapping hole of not having a parent to tell her how valuable she was, how loved and cared for she was led her down a dark, sad, trail that ended nowhere. Abused, taken advantage of, and finally abandoned by many who called her friend, she died in a cloud of mystery (most likely murder). What a testimony to the hollow shell of hiding behind appearance as a way of feeling good about one's self.

This has been a huge mask in my own life. I became conscious of my appearance when I was eleven. Southern California had just come out with with "flare" pants, soon to be called "bell bottoms." I so wanted a pair. I also pleaded with my mom to "block my hair in the back." She refused and at age 12 I ran away from home. (It lasted for an hour before my dad came and picked me up.) Then I got shipped off to a private boarding school when I was 14 and had to cut my long hair and couldn't wear blue jeans. I'd bought leather jeans, spent way too much on my hair. (God has such a sense of humor, and I'm not blaming God for taking my hair . . . but it does make me laugh.)

When I was in the 6th grade I realized that I had more hair on my arms than any other kid in our entire school (long sleeve shirts for two years). I didn't share with anyone how much I hated my "not big enough" nose until I was nearly thirty.

I've talked with hundreds of people who've been in the prisons of anorexia, binge eating, cutting, burning, and other traps that come when we buy into the mask of appearance. Physical, sexual, and emotional abuse attack our mental psyche. But like any other mask that we use to try and like ourselves, God can set us free. I've seen my friends get their noses redone and other parts remodeled and still no lasting change. There is only one answer. Our value must come from a deep belief that what God says about us is true. No doubt how we treat our bodies can and does make a difference in how strong our belief in what God says sticks. But don't ever think you really will like yourself more by focusing on your appearance.

For seven years I read the following words several times a week - try them out yourself.

Here's one of the three-word prayers I've prayed every day for the past three years - "I Am Yours." Knowing through every fiber of my being that I belong to God, His son in whom He is so pleased. I believe this more and more every day. But oh how I need to hang out with others who believe this too. Praying and staying in God's Word is vital for me.

Tomorrow (maybe) our Masks continue with a look at SKILL. (Do you ever feel valuable because of talent, skill, hard work?) Being a long time workaholic, I've got a few things to say about this one. It's one of the oldest curses recorded in all of written history. The curse of trying to find value by what we DO!

Imagine what God imagines about you

God's view of us is our true reality! Who do you trust about your true value? Yourself? Others? God? Who's most trustworthy?

So we've been in a series called "Rock Star" at Living Hope and I was thinking of an acronym I've used for the past 20 years that represents how we typically try to measure our value. The word I use is M-A-S-K-S. We wear Masks because . . . well, they do serve a purpose don't they? They allow us to hide what we see as a "not so cool" self. Ultimately we use them to protect ourselves. Our masks are fear-based reinforcements of untruths. They are the opposite of what God says about us. Warriors have worn them. Religions have used them. Moses used a mask to hide the fact that God's glory faded from his face far too soon. Wearing the mask kept all those fickle followers from doubting his authority. When Moses would hang out with God on the mountain his face would glow for a long time after coming back home. The people were in awe. But after some time the glow began to fade. Moses started wearing a mask. What's your favorite mask?

The first two letters of my Mask are Money and Appearance.

MONEY - You don't have to be rich or even greedy to find this mask making you feel like you're more of a man or woman. Money can give you a sense of being in control. You will be admired by someone maybe more depending on how much money you have. You can have really bad hair and a very poor personality, but if you have lots of money you can feel very valuable.

I've used money to buy electronic gadgets, pens, watches, you name it . . . money is a great mask for buying that next toy to give you an OK sensation for the next few minutes, hours, or days. But even though masks can cover up well, they can fill our heart with that real sense of being A-OK. They are just masks.

Howard Hughes might be the perfect representative for this mask. He was smart, daring, and did so much for our society in the field of aviation. But all the money in the world, and he had a great deal of it, was not enough. His life grew more and more meaningless and eventually he isolated himself completely from all relationships. His last few years he grew his hair long, didn't bathe, and began to display serious mental health issues. Howard Hughes tried to escape his mask towards the end of his life, but the very people he hired to protect him kept him locked up physically and emotionally until he died. His last few months there were two TVs running 24-7 at full volume and he kept all his urine in jars, refusing to let them be disposed of. Looking at all his accomplishments, his fame, his wealth, the women, everything, it a shocking testimony of how destructive the money mask is.

Reality Check: In spite of knowing this I still wrestle with this mask. Why? We will never be free by trying to remove the mask ourselves. My buddy Paul has said it a thousand times, "I can do ALL things ONLY (I added this myself) through . . . " Look it up! Spend some time reviewing how you are attached to money. What are you going to do with that extra money we're paying ourselves via the government? (Did you get your check?) Ask God how He wants you to use it? He really does know what is best for us.

Masks often are made of "Appearance." Tomorrow I'll feature a woman I've read a fair bit about. She was lusted after by a president and leader of Russia's superpower. This lady's beginnings, her struggles, and her amazing mask represent this dangerous cover-up - more tomorrow.

Some sudden, somewhat impulsive thoughts re. criticism of The Shack, our addiction to being "useful" and . . . other random stuff

What amazing weather (I grew up with hot summers) and I even slept in this morning (a rare treat) until 7:30 (there's something wrong with that . . . part of getting old . . .). I'm alone, sitting in one of my two favorite chairs (drinking Kona coffee -very good!) and reading my British-Friend-Chap O.C. (11 yrs. this June) and journaling. I didn't like today's devotional at all - just does nothing for me! So I did something I almost never d0(strong words), I read tomorrow's devotion (May 18); Oh WOW! I didn't get past more than the first three sentences and I wanted to stop and blog . . . I did! I stopped half way through and I'm going to do some passionate blogging right NOW (buckle up)!

First - it's not dumb to "dumb-down life" to one simple philosophy - "Life is all about friendships!" Who your best friends, and your ultimate friend is makes every, I mean absolutely every, difference in your life, and a huge difference in others!" Aline, line up, yourself with people who are headed where you want to go. Hang out more with people who passionately have similar core beliefs. Want to lose weight and be healthy and full of energy? Add to your life people who are extremely healthy, happy, and in great shape! Life does rub off! Make your life focus more simple! Live to be in relationship with the ONE, and ones, you love. We were made to live in full, complete, passionate, all-good, relationships. (Heaven will be restored when all destructive hate is forever erased and everyone is completely BEST FRIENDS with God!) We are not even called "in the image of God" in ourselves, rather in relationships of friendship we become a "reflection" of what God's like! Yes, I'm a preacher dude!

Warning: I'm going to rant and rave in this paragraph (If you're real religious this might turn you off)! I've started hearing some criticism regarding the book, The Shack, lately. Some of this criticism is very faint, perhaps condescending. It goes like this: "It's a good book as long as you remember it's not theologically correct." I'll simply say that many of those making the comment may not even know the meaning of the word "theology." I think they mean it's doctrinally, Biblically, incorrect. This discounts or even raises concerns consciously or subconsciously, I think, regarding the book. Yes, it's a novel and the focus is on painting a picture of why God allows pain and suffering and what He's trying to do to win us back into a forever friendship (pretty good theology - try looking up this word! Note the "Specialty definition." Can you see why this word gets so misused?) I'm NOT going to try and defend the book. It's OK if you don't like it, or don't find it drawing you closer to Jesus. It might even be "wrong" teaching for you. Here's what gets me, "I have two friends who have never read the book but are pretty free to question it. Like the anti-Harry Potter craze that hit with the popularity of the first book, many are very free to give opinions for something they've not always looked closely at (I've only read the first Harry Potter book and actually used it to share how Jesus gave His life for us with a neighbor). Here's my "chicken," (or "beef" for those "north of Battle Ground WA." folk) BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU CRITICIZE PUBLICLY IF YOU HAVEN'T RESEARCHED IT WELL. God's Spirit can do ok without us. God is working and touching people's lives. I think we end up playing "God" sometimes without even realizing it. You don't have to read "The Shack" to disagree with it. Reading stuff on the net can be very misleading - Several who criticize it haven't read it themselves! Several, a lot of, years ago I read the book This Present Darkness by Frank Peretti (I actually helped with an evangelist outreach in the Key Arena with his brother - cool guy). I didn't want to read it when it came out in 1986, and didn't for about 3 years. But some dear friends wouldn't leave me alone (Another Pastor at Living Hope and I have together bought more than 50 copies of "The Shack.") So Laura and I began to read it on a long drive from S. Idaho to S. California. I didn't like it. I felt it had wrong theology and wrong doctrine. I felt it set the reader up to be critical of all "mainline" Christian churches. I struggle with being critical of all denominations period (pray for me). Laura and I were on our way home from sunny Cal and found that every time she read the book for about 20 minutes or more we felt a dark oppression in our car. We finally stopped reading (we had less than 50 pages left). This is the first time I've ever publicly stated how much I dislike this book. I held back all these years, not because I didn't finish the last 50 pages (it's a good sized book), but because I saw so many friends' lives touched and changed by it! They began to pray more, care more for lost people and examine areas they had not given over to Jesus. It really became something good for them. Try out this idea (from Jesus), "Let each person be fully convicted (convinced) in their own mind." (Romans 14:5 - Greek). This is it, "Don't grumble about your fellow Christ follower. You might be condemning yourself. Watch out! The Judge is coming -He's standing at your own door!" (a bga translation - check it out HERE and HERE) James 5:9. One final note ("Enough Bruce!"): People who aren't exposed to religion and need to meet Jesus and accept Him as their personal Forever-Friend tend to love this book!

Finally, back to O.C. - this is so cool: "Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin"— they simply are! Think of the sea, the air, the sun, the stars, and the moon— all of these simply are as well— yet what a ministry and service they render on our behalf! So often we impair God’s designed influence, which He desires to exhibit through us, because of our own conscious efforts to be consistent and useful. Jesus said there is only one way to develop and grow spiritually, and that is through focusing and concentrating on God. In essence, Jesus was saying, "Do not worry about being of use to others; simply believe on Me." In other words, pay attention to the Source, and out of you "will flow rivers of living water" (John 7:38 ). We cannot discover the source of our natural life through common sense and reasoning, and Jesus is teaching here that growth in our spiritual life comes not from focusing directly on it, but from concentrating on our Father in heaven." Reference listed above (May 18).

Do you try too hard to be useful to Jesus? A spouse or friend? Have ever met someone who was very intent on "getting married?" Relax in WHO YOU ARE IN Jesus! Just be with Jesus more (I'm speaking Memorial weekend on how to Win over Temptation! It has so much to do with our "Image" not our "Rock Star, wanna be" false images. It's one of my favorite of all talks.)

I have written in my Oswald Chambers journal these words, "Trying harder makes life harder. It just squeezes out God's amazing Grace!" What's your motive for "what you work so hard at?" Spend some quiet time listening -You will hear some very vital "stuff." Listen often and long enough and you're very likely to hear God's warm voice. The Best Friend in all the Universe will never lead you away from what is best or good. Only towards whole, complete, fullfilling, filled up-over-running friendship (True Love)!

Spin Class, Identity, and faulty self-talk

It was my day off and I was in the gym . . . something the Spin Class teacher said keeps going round and round in my head (I was pushing hard on that stationary bike, ugh, and dealing with the cold, hard reality that this teacher picks horrible music - Techno and Country . . . please!). It wasn't just what she said, but when she said it -she said, "Do what 's right for you!" This came with 1.5 min. to go of that "give it all you have" apex of a burnout. The more I think about what she said, that "blue light special" pop psychology phrase, the more I wonder how often it is very untrue. Here are a just a few reasons why I doubt the value of this phrase:

1. So often what's right for me is harmful to others (Like techno music! It even has the word "no" in it. Let me rant, not rave, for a second . . . Techno is wonderful if, and I mean if . . . you are on ecstacy and at a rave or maybe at a dance club . . . and know how to dance. It doesn't work when you're lifting weights!)

2. How can I trust ME to know what's right? This is where one can fall down a deep rabbit hole. It assumes that I know best what's BEST for me. In the case of my spin class, part of the magic of having a "teacher/coach" is that s/he understands how better to take me beyond what "I think is best" to that higher level . . . further up and further in . . . . I believe Bruce Avery seldom knows what's right by looking only to his own resources, ideas, and senses (I've bought so many cars without a "team" and I still focus only on "me" when buying my "electronic gadgets" most of the time . . . books too; I don't even consult my sweetheart.) God gives us great friends, His Spirit; Life is not a solo experience. This is one of the most common ways I end up going down the wrong trail . . . NO, I can't know what's right for me by just listening to me! I need friends!

I would offer up a better phrase, "DO WHAT'S RIGHT." Then you can honestly say what or who you base your opinion of "right."

Who do I trust most? Proverbs 14:12

Never Give Up

We had an amazing Mother's Day breakfast,
worship, and great times this last week (Pictures
of our air guitar contest at the bottom).



y My friend Jeff sent me this YouTube clip and as I began to watch it (it's nearly 8 minutes long) I thought, not so great, but by the time I finished it . . . oh wow! Watch it yourself and let me know what you think.




This is a great example of what it means to "never give up!" I have so many times looked at others and thought "They'll never make it." I judge their track record and their choices and attitudes . . . well, the hard cold reality is "I GIVE UP ON PEOPLE." I trust my senses and then I forget that life, the air I breath is all a miracle process. I belong to the God of they universe and GOD never gives up on me (or you). I can give up on others. I give up on myself. But God is not like me. God never gives up.

God has said, "I will never fail you. I will never forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5)

"I have swept away your sins like a cloud, your wrongdoings like the morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you." (Isaiah 44:22)

Another way I was touched by the YouTube video was the incredible truth that anything good "is NEVER done solo." We are community. When I operate or think outside of God's design I'm always less and everything I could have added to life become less. The power of a team and the life, even when it seems beyond hope is witnessed by these creatures in nature.

Will I look beyond my senses when I'm tempted to give up on someone? Myself? Will I run back to those on a larger team and together believe that WE can overcome anything?

My identity is more than ME, it's US! When I dance with God (as Pastor John said so well a couple weeks ago) I realize more and more that I'm not alone and my real identity is restored.

Just for fun here's a couple pictures from our KidsWorld class this last Sunday at Portland. Watching the kids dance gave me such a joy - very deep and very good!

We also continued our theme of Rock Star by having an "Air Guitar" contest to start our Sunday off at Lakehurst's campus. How much fun!

Fun, Fun, Fun - Don't miss this Sunday!

What a fun kick-off to what may become one of my favorite Living Hope series - Rock Star. Here are few pictures of Justin the King who showed up introduce our series last week.

This weekend is Mother's Day and we have a team preparing a wonderful breakfast that will be served at 9 am in our banquet hall downstairs at the church. Bring a mom, a woman, or just yourself and enjoy (men will be served . . . eventually . . . don't worry).

Flowers and other wonderful treats will make this a very fun day (ONLY at the Portland campus). Men, you can come early have a blast helping (hint, hint)!